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Beyond Baby Slings and Breastfeeding – The Science of Attachment

Nobody had to tell me to pick up my babies when they cried. But if they’d ever told me to put them down, that I was spoiling them, they’d have had hell to pay.

As a new mother, I assumed the right to nurture my babies in a way that honored their helplessness as well as my own biological need to nurture them. And I don’t know what I would have done if I had had to leave them with another caregiver. We didn’t have much money, but I felt as though each time I met their needs I was putting gold in the bank.

My maternal urges, which felt so right and natural, are now backed by scientific evidence. “Attachment is the cornerstone of infant development,” writes Lauren Lindsey Porter in her article, “The Science of Attachment: The Biological Roots of Love.” First published in Mothering Magazine (Issue 119. July/August 2003) the article is cogent yet emotionally compelling, and by far, one of the best I have read on the subject. In it, the author pulls together findings from a variety of disciplines and handily supports them with the research.

A resident of New Zealand, Porter is the mother of one daughter and a clinical social worker by training. Prior to her daughter Abby’s birth, Porter worked as a therapist and helped children, adolescents, and families heal from trauma and mental illness.

It’s easy finding stories, blogs and television commentary that sensationalize the worst parents and wildest trends; it’s a lot harder finding the facts. And those are just what Porter provides. “Behind the capitalist marketing, beyond the mainstream agenda, beneath the advice of masses, there exists an extensive, sound, and powerful body or research in the fields of neuroscience, psychology, and infant development. It gives us the answers we seek, but may not be what we want to hear.”

As much as parents might like to think their children are somehow protected from the negative effects of temporary separation – whether due to financial need, professional goals, or personal or religious beliefs (let alone the effects of neglect and domestic violence) – indisputable evidence now shows why children must have a secure and nurturing environment to reach their fullest potential.

According to Porter’s seven-page article, “The mother-child bond is the essential and primary force in infant development, and thus forms the basis of coping, negotiation of relationships, and personality development. If the mother is absent or unavailable, a primary cargiver serves the mother’s role.”

Why are we in the United States so unwilling to see children’s needs as separate from our own? Why, when babies cry from sadness in their parent’s absence, or heave lonely sobs in their cribs; must adults defend their own pathetic and selfish right to refuse them? Don’t children deserve to feel cherished and loved as though nothing in the world were more important than they?

I have always believed that the maternal-child bond is so much more than baby carriers, cotton diapers and pesticide-free baby food. While these promote a more natural approach to parenting, they do not matter in and of themselves. What matters most is the mother’s spiritual energy, her enthusiasm for the child, and her gladness – conveyed though tender touch, smiles, and verbal interaction – that her child is alive and on this earth.

In the inaugrual lecture of the Margaret McCain Lecture Series, Sept. 23, 2004, child trauma expert Bruce Perry, M.D., Ph.D., delivered a speech entitled, “Maltreatment and the Developing Child: How Early Childhood Experience Shapes Child and Culture.”

Here’s what he says toward the opening of his talk. “Humans are complex creatures. While having the capacity to be humane, we also have the capacity ot be cruel. Why? What determines whether a child grows up to be compassionate, thoughtful, and productive. Or, impulsive, aggressive, hateful, and non-productive. Is it genetic?”

Perry’s next words are telling. “Likely not.”

“Human beings become a reflection of the world in which they develop. If that world is safe, predictable, and characterized by relationally and cognitively enriched opportunities, the child can grow to be self-regulating, thoughtful and a productive member of society. In contrast, if the developing child’s world is chaotic, threatening, and devoid of kind words and supportive relationships, a child may become impulsive, aggressive, inattentive, and have difficulties with relationships. That child may require special education services, mental health or even criminal justice intervention. ”

Dr. Perry’s words could not be truer than they are for my friend Linda Joslin. Linda is a psychiatric nurse with bipolar disorder, and I am privileged to be the co-writer of her memoir.  She grew up in a home where domestic violence and neglect were simply part of life. Yet her parents, both professionals, conveyed the impression of normalcy to the entire community. Linda has spent her entire adult life trying to heal from her emotional wounds; just ask her if it matters how kids are raised.

Thanks to the generosity of Lauren Lindsey Porter, I am able to share with you her article, The Science of Attachment: The Biological Roots of Love,” in its entirety. So in the next few days, prepare to read! The first pages of the article will go up tomorrow and continue in a series.

Don’t forget to love up your kids today. FFG

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